The Mayans, Nostradamus, NASA, Sir Oliver Humperdink, Martin
Luther, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Louis Farrakhan, the Nuwaubian Nation, and even the reverend Slick were all wrong. The
world did not end, but just when you all
thought it was safe, BAM! Hot Like Lava comes out with the New Year’s
resolution list:
Simon Sermon: His New Year’s Resolution should be, to only
blow dudes in the days that end in “Y”. Hot Like Lava has been called risqué,
but with him there’s no risk, he’s just gay!
Bobby Moore: His New Year’s Resolution should be, to start
rooting for the Falcons in the 2nd half, just as hard as he does in
the 1st. It’s his fault they’re not going to the Super Bowl!
Joey Kidman: His New Year’s Resolution should be, to learn
how to do a squat, so maybe he will grow an ass this year or maybe his Mommy
with buy him one!
Jeremy V: New Year’s
Resolution should be, to return to RPW and drop the “F” bomb around sensitive
ears!
Big Bank Barfield: New Year’s Resolution should be, …oh
never mind, Big Bank couldn’t even make our shit list!
Dave Wills: New Year’s Resolution should be, ta, ta, ta, ta,
gee, gee, gee, geeet, thro, throu, Through a pro, promo, with, without
STUTTERING!
The Georgia Insider(s): New Year’s Resolution should be, to
join the Exotic Ones, because anyone that is putting Joey Kidman over that much
on facebook has to be sucking his dick!
Charlie Cash: New Year’s Resolution should be, to lay off
the cigars and start smoking a pipe, so that when Ben Masters fucks him over,
Masters can say, “hey Charlie, put that in your pipe and smoke it”!
Rick Michaels: New Year’s Resolution should be, to make a
point to kiss guys after he fucks them. Who do you think you are Rick? Ben
Masters?!
Mike Stratus: New Year’s Resolution should be, to recruit a
new member and re-incarnate Killer Instinct for the 100th time!
Thunderbolt Patterson: New Year’s Resolution should be, to
sit square in the middle of the dressing room, this way the boys can disrespect
him from both sides as they walk by and not shake his hand!
Monstrosity Championship Wrestling: New Year’s Resolution
should be, enough with the dead wrestlers, bring in a dead female porn star and
let Hot Like Lava get their “Katie Vick” on!
Jody Hamilton: New Year’s Resolution should be, to expose
President Obama as a Communist Alien from the planet of Krypton with one of his
10,000 forwarded email blast that he sends out!
Chick Donavon: New Year’s Resolution should be, to start
pawning locks of his hair. Hell, the price of gold is almost as high as his
age!
Sugar Dunkerton: New Year’s Resolution should be, to find a
way to follow himself on Twitter. That way he can suffer through half a million
of his suck ass, lame ass, bitch ass tweets every half hour. Yeah he’s got a
lot of followers. More like follow backers!
RPW management: New Year’s Resolution should be, always
include the phrase “We wish you good luck on all your future endeavors” when
they fire someone. That’s how the classy shows do it. Trust us. Combined, we’ve
been fired from a bunch of fucking shows!
Billy Knight: New Year’s Resolution should be, to catch more
ring rats with Halloween Candy!
Wicked Nemesis: New Year’s Resolution should be, to develop
Tae-Kwon-Mo. This is the martial art of defending your long Mo-hawk hair
against a guy in a fight who pulls hair like a girl!
Larry Goodman: New Year’s Resolution should be, to get a new
Ipad to write his reports up on, rumor is Ben Masters can get his hands on
some!
Navy Blue: New Year’s Resolution should be, to impersonate a
homeless man on the side of the interstate on-ramp. Instead of standing beside
an on-ramp with a sign, Navy will sit in the crowd after he wrestles with a
sign that says “pay me attention, I just wrestled”!
Stanley Robinson: New Year’s Resolution should be, to put
some milk on his face so a cat can come lick off his peach fuzz beard!
Steve Platinum: New Year’s Resolution should be, to become a
improve comedian and have a cult of followers….wait a minute, he already did
that, it was called PCW!
Shane Noles: New Year’s Resolution should be, to make his
return as a wrestler, even though he is a big fat guy wearing a singlet with no
wrestling skill, ah damn, never mind, Chris Nelms has already did that!
Mike Jackson: New Year’s Resolution should be, to make it
through one prayer without scratching his crotch! On second thought since PWA
put their strap on Joey Kidman, Jackson
will be walking around scratching his head saying “What the hell was I
thinking”!
Dab Savage: New Year’s Resolution should be, to make it
through one TNA international drill without spiking himself!
Josh Wheeler: New Year’s Resolution should be, to wear a
name tag and take a lot of Extra Strength Excedrin when commentating with Thunderbolt!
Referee Willis: New Year’s Resolution should be, to get thru
one bump drill without shitting his pants!
Radar the Ref: New Year’s Resolution should be, to seek a
refund from the Underground Alliance wrestling training school, because he is
clueless on everything!
Brad the Ref: New Year’s Resolution should be, to hope Luke
Gallows never comes to a sudden halt, because if he does, Brad will go straight
up his ass!
Pain: New Year’s Resolution should be, to put on more
weight, because his 400 plus pound splash could not even keep Radar the Ref
down for 3 seconds!
Fry Daddy: New Year’s Resolution should be, to find his arch
enemy, the Foreman Grill!
J-Rod: New Year’s Resolution should be, to start having
Johnny Swinger put a better word in for him so TNA doesn’t keep over looking
him!
Murder-1: New Year’s Resolution should be, to start wearing
his Kevlar vest backwards, so he doesn’t have to worry about being stabbed in
the back for “the book”!
and last but not least...Ben Masters: New Year’s Resolution should be, to stop
stirring the pot at RPW and concentrate on making his monthly appointments at 281 Carl Vinson
Pkwy
Warner Robins , Georgia
